Fortunately, I have a fine example of poor academic writing from one of my favorite bloggers: Josh Bernoff, who writes the blog Josh Bernoff, based on his book Writing Without Bullshit: Boost Your Career by Saying What You Mean. Mr. Bernoff is a professional writer and editor, and his blog talks about how to be a better writer than you already are.
In a recent blog post "This impenetrable opening paragraph violates every writing principle simultaneously", Bernoff gives an example of the kind of prose that good writers avoid, and as it happens, his example was written by two university academics: Michael M. Crow, president of Arizona State University, and William B. Dabars, an ASU professor and administrator. Bernoff quotes the entire opening paragraph from their recently published book The Fifth Wave: The Evolution of American Higher Education:
Building on the arguments of our previous foray into this topic, this book envisions the emergence of the Fifth Wave in American higher education—a league of colleges and universities, spearheaded initially by a subset of large-scale public research universities, unified in their resolve to accelerate positive social outcomes through the seamless integration of world-class knowledge production with cutting-edge technological innovation and institutional cultures dedicated to the advancement of accessibility to the broadest possible demographic representative of the socioeconomic and intellectual diversity of our nation. The Fifth Wave primarily augments and complements the set of American research universities, which, for reasons that will readily become apparent, we term the Fourth Wave, but will also comprise networks of heterogeneous colleges and universities whose frameworks are underpinned by discovery and knowledge production, and institutional actors from business and industry, government agencies and laboratories, and organizations in civil society.
This is not the kind of writing I will teach students this term; yet, this is what many of my students think academic writing is all about: dense, jargon-laden prose that only book nerds and specialists can plow through. Sadly, too many academicians write like this. I suppose they think it makes them sound smarter and more educated, or perhaps that's the style they learned from their professors and mentors. Whatever the case, this is NOT the style of writing that I teach. Rather, I teach that the best academic writing is clear, engaging, and difficult only when the material is difficult — and as it happens, the material Crow and Dabars are discussing is not really that difficult. I teach writing in the style of Bernoff's revision of the above paragraph. Bernoff says it this way:
American universities have reinvented themselves four times. It’s time to do it again.
We propose a league of educational institutions, led by a few visionary public research universities. They will adopt a set of core principles: the pursuit of positive social outcomes, continued excellence in research, and adoption of videoconferencing and other technological classroom and networking tools. And they must have as their overarching goal the desire to empower and expand opportunities for students of all races and classes. This is only possible when educational institutions of all kinds work together with leaders from industry, government, and other institutions.
Isn't that better? I think so, and I'll bet you do, too. This sounds as if real people wrote it — not a couple of robots from the basement of the university library. Bernoff sounds more real because he uses real language. For instance, he avoids puffed-up jargon when simpler language says it just as well. He uses first person we (the book has two authors, so plural) instead of this book as in the original version. Many academicians tell students not to use first person — I or we — in academic writing, but that's the first step towards stilted, turgid prose (you're reading this on a computer, so google turgid if you don't know what it means, and make it a habit to learn new words). I will teach you how to use first-person in your academic writing. It really does make for more readable prose.
However, I also remind my students that some of their college professors don't like first-person in academic writing. For those professors, students should write uglier prose like the above, and those teachers will have to read it. That seems fair punishment.
Academic writing is a mainstay of Western intellectual culture, especially academic culture and conversation. In their book Clear and Simple as the Truth (2011), authors Francis-Noël Thomas and Mark Turner call this kind of writing the Classic style, and their title pretty much captures their point about this style of writing: it is as clear and simple as the truth. As they say it, "a natural language is sufficient to express truth; and the writer knows the truth before he puts it into language" (3).
(Teaching moment: note that I just used an outside resource to support my point about academic writing. First, I paraphrased Thomas and Turner's definition of the Classic style, and then I used a quote from their book to further support, amplify, explain, and expand the point I just made. In both cases, I documented my source. Of course, I told you the source of my quote, but even when I paraphrased in my own words, I told you the source of my idea. Note also that I made my point in my words first (academic writing is a mainstay …), and then I supported my point with outside sources. If you read carefully, you'll see that this is the main pattern in the academic essays we will read this term: make your point in your words and then support it with outside authority using their words. You should use this pattern. Also note that I did not use strict MLA style to document my source. This is a blog post, so I used hyperlinks to point you to my sources. MLA does not yet use hyperlinks, though it does use URLs on the Works Cited page, so I reserve MLA style for academic essays.)
So here is the lesson about academic writing: learn something worth someone else knowing, and then share that knowledge in language that makes it as easy as possible for your reader to understand. That's academic writing as I teach it. It's what I try to do in my blog posts and academic essays. The writer should always work harder than the reader.
I have written this post for two main reasons: first, to explain what we're studying this term, and second, to introduce you to blogging in the college classroom. I use blogging as a space for writing that is less formal than most academic writing while still trying to be learned and intelligent. Blogging is a step up — or two steps up — from most social media such as texting but more casual than academic papers. It's a good middle ground where we can discuss academic issues without dressing up, but without dumbing down, either. Note that I cited my sources above and even provided a link so that you can access the original documents that I used. I expect the same of your posts.
I also expect you to leave comments on your colleagues' posts, so learn how by leaving a comment for me in this post. Make a substantive comment. "This is so true" and "I agree" are not substantive comments, unless you clarify why this post is true or false or why you agree or disagree with it. Expand the conversation. Be intelligent and thoughtful. As a writer, your job is to bring value to the reader. If you don't do that, then you wasted the reader's time, and you will earn a failing grade from me.
If you can't figure out how to leave a comment, google "post comments on blogger". Google knows the answer and explains things in language that makes it easy to understand. Google Help is actually a pretty good model for academic prose, or in Thomas and Turner's words, the Classic style. Pay attention to how Google does it: they have the knowledge, and they share it in easy to understand language. You should strive to do that: learn something valuable and share it with others. That's what writers do. Anything else is bullshit.
I also believe the writer should work harder then the reader for a few reasons such as The idea that the writer should work harder than the reader comes from the principle that effective communication is the responsibility of the writer.
ReplyDeleteI strongly agree on the use of a more natural, engaging language instead of the complex language many of the students have learned to use. It sometimes blurs the main idea that the writer is trying to convey and fails to connect with the reader in a more direct way.
ReplyDeleteAgreed that some academic writings on the surface look super professional and intelligent but are, essentially, speaking in tongues for the majority of it. I suppose that’s where the saying “fools say little in a lot; the wise say a lot in little” comes from, no?
ReplyDeleteThis article gave me a much better understanding of what writing will look like in this class. This was very useful information.
ReplyDeleteWhat a welcomed relief to write in a natural way. I was ready to poke my eyes out when reading the first paragraph and let felt the tension leave my shoulders when reading Dr. Hamon's approach. This could be fun, well it is still work but has a chance for fun.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment, but remember to include your name with your comments so that I can give you credit.
Delete"The writer should always work harder than the reader." is extremely important. It keeps the reader engaged and makes them wanting to read more. Thank you for sharing this information and the examples of academic writing.
ReplyDeleteI agree with your statement, " learn something worth someone else knowing, and then share that knowledge in language that makes it as easy as possible for your reader to understand." Growing up in every English class that I've taken we were taught that using big words made us look and sound smarter. We were also taught to never speak in first person when writing. I think that because of all the things I was taught or things that were instilled in me when it comes to writing made me dislike it. Writing began to seem like a job to me rather than a way to simply get a message across to someone.
ReplyDeleteI do agree that writing should only be difficult only when the material is difficult. Your writting should be written to where your target audience will understand it. So if you're writting a paper that targets high schoolers it should be a lot easier than if you're writting a college research paper.
ReplyDeleteThis is truly relieving to read, I am excited to see that my professor teaches this style of writing. I grew up at a private school learning the same style, and now going into the real world I struggle to find myself comfortable in my writing style because so many round me disagree and believe it is too laid back
ReplyDeleteI agree with the statement, "Many of my students think academics - can plow through." I am excited to write in a more relaxed and natural way that doesn't over-complicate very simple subjects or use complex diction to inflate writing.
ReplyDeleteI particularly appreciate the use of Josh Bernoff’s example to show how complex academic writing can become and the later revision that highlights clarity and simplicity as key qualities of effective communication. While it’s true that some professors may prefer more traditional forms of academic writing, the advice to accommodate their preferences when necessary is valuable.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate this blog, with my educational background and the school systems that I grew up "Learning" in, this post made me feel like I missed out on a lot when it comes to writing the CORRECT way and reading as well. I need to broaden my vocabulary so I for sure will need to make it a habit of researching/learning new words. Also, Thinking back on some of my pieces that I've wrote in the past, I'm pretty sure it was all "BS" haha. So yes I am looking forward to spending time in this class and "Writing Without Bullshit"!
ReplyDeleteI will also make it a goal for myself to learn new words. In high school we would have new words we'd learn each week, but I would never use them in my everyday language, and I still don't. It sounds better speaking, and in writing, to be educated on new topics and new vocabulary.
DeleteI like how you want to provide your students with a clear understanding of what academic writing should be, using an example of what it shouldn't be. Bernoff's critique of Crow and Dabars' writing is a great way to show the pitfalls of overly complex and jargon-heavy prose.Academic writing is a style of writing used in scholarly articles and papers that aims to clearly communicate complex ideas and arguments. It is characterized by its clarity, precision, and formal tone. Unlike casual or creative writing, academic writing avoids unnecessary jargon and convoluted sentences. It focuses on presenting information in a logical and straightforward manner, making it accessible to a wide audience of readers who may not be experts in the field.
ReplyDeletePlease include your name so that I can give you credit for the fine comment.
DeleteI thoroughly enjoyed this post. I agree with the idea that writing should feel human, and personal, rather than robotic and not using real language, but instead just using definitions. In the past, I've noticed that when I really enjoy a topic, I sound like the real person I am when writing it. But, when a topic is harder for me to understand, or overall, less enjoyable for me to read and write about it, I may sound more robotic because I am trying my hardest to write a well-done paper for what it is asking. In this class, I will try to sound as real as possible, while also completing what is asked of me.
ReplyDeleteYour opinion is spot on. We shouldn't be trying to write as robots who are only trying to complete a task, but we should focus on actually expressing what we mean with thoughtful and influential writing while also enjoying it, as you never know if your writing will positively impact someone's life.
DeleteThis blog was perfect for setting the stage and showing us how you want things to be done. I appreciate all the work you put in to help us succeed in your class and hopefully in life.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't agree more when it comes to academic writing, especially with more people relying on artificial writing to try and sound professional. Writing is somewhat of an art form, easy to learn but hard to master, and I appreciate how you understand this while also encouraging us to actually use our words to present our opinions and emotions in a format that is digestible to the reader.
ReplyDeleteIt seems that Burnoff's writing style was easier to understand. The first version of the paragraph felt a little bit hard for me to follow. The revised version was more interesting to read and was not intimidating at all. I enjoy writing so I am excited to expand on those skills!
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